Learning from Sebastien De La Cruz: Teach kids to react to bullying

By Hope Gillette, Saludify

Eleven-year-old Sebastian De La Cruz sang the national anthem during Game 3 of the NBA Finals, dressed in traditional mariachi traje, honoring his Mexican heritage. Despite the fact that Sebastian is a U.S.-born Mexican American and his father served in the United States Navy, the young man was the focus of racial slurs and insults, posted in social media networks, during and after his impeccable performance.

The kindest comments included, “You really had a Mexican sing the national anthem? Go to hell San Antonio” and “Is this the American National Anthem or the Mexican Hat Dance? Get this lil kid out of here.”

Regardless of the reason behind the racist slurs, Sebastian proved you don’t have to be an adult to understand the meaning of equality. He addressed the public during a news conference on Wednesday.

According to a report from the Houston Chronicle, Sebastian showed great maturity and understanding, saying,

“With the racism remarks, to be honest, it’s just the people how they were raised. My father and my mother told me that you should never judge people by how they look. You should judge them on the inside. And the saying that I go by is never judge a book by its cover.”

That parental direction is likely what allowed talented Mariachi singer Sebastian De La Cruz to rise above the insults, not giving in to the negative comments from people he had never even met.

Sebastian de la Cruz teaches us about class… and confidence

Maureen Healy, author of Growing Happy Kids, told Saludify one of the biggest factors of how children handle bullying and discrimination is what they think about themselves before an incident, and whether they have developed a strong self-esteem and confidence. This is why helping your kids value themselves is essential.

“I wrote my first book, Growing Happy Kids, to help adults nurture inner confidence in their children because it makes them more resilient and helps them overcome obstacles like bullying,” she said.

She adds that children should be taught about the golden rule. Whatever they say, do or think comes back them. So if they are mean to someone, someone else will eventually be mean to them.

Also, teach your children that differences are good. The reason people bully is they lack tolerance to diversity — they have a false perception that differences are “bad” and that’s plain wrong, said Healy. Differences are what make the U.S. the best country in the world to live in, she added.

Clearly, Sebastian de la Cruz has a solid support system around him to be able to stand proudly in the face of adversity, showing more common sense than some people three times his age. His calm responses and positive attitude are also part of the ideal way anyone should handle a bullying situation.

According to Hara Estroff Marano, editor of Psychology Today and author of A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting, the best methods against bullying often involve self-confidence.

Bullies want to pick on people they perceive as weaker than them. Take away that power, and the bully loses interest, and this is no different in a one-on-one setting versus national bullying such as that seen against De La Cruz.

To teach children deal with a general bullying situation, Marano advises:

• Avoidance: Avoid the bully whenever possible. Do not confront.
• Use humor to diffuse the situation. Crack a joke to ease the situation if it’s appropriate. Just remember humor doesn’t always work against someone who is angry and may have the opposite effect. But humor also makes you feel better.
• Be assertive (but not aggressive). Bullies want to intimidate. It’s not fun for them if they can’t get a response from their victim.
• Recruit supporters: Having a support system builds confidence and also keeps children in a “safe zone.”

But most importantly, Marano indicates parents need to be involved both for bullying prevention and when a bullying situation occurs.

If your child has been the victim of bullying:

• Let him express how he feels before you tell him “it’s alright.” It is important he feels he can express his frustration and hurt without being blamed or judged. After that, you can reaffirm him.
• Never take the side of a bully by asking questions such as “but, what did you do for them to tell you that?”
• Do not encourage a vendetta. To keep your child from a dangerous situation, and to teach him tolerance, do not ask your child to “get even”. Instead, make it very clear that the bullying and aggressive behavior is unacceptable and that you are proud your child did not engage in it, despite the difficult situation.
• Teach life lessons. This is a good opportunity to talk about tolerance, acceptance, compassion and integrity with your children. You can actually turn this situation around and help your child become stronger and wiser.

Parents are the facilitators for how social children are as they grow up. This means taking an active position enrolling children in confidence-building events and activities, and monitoring how things are going at school.

Anyone can be a bully or be bullied; parents need to be the first line of defense against this issue.

By the way Sebastian De La Cruz handled himself while facing hostility not only toward him but toward his heritage, it is obvious his family and friends have done everything possible to raise a confident, caring young man, who will indeed be an asset and inspiration to future generations of Americans.

“I’d rather shed more happy tears than sad tears,” Sebastian’s mother told the Houston Chronicle. “But I will say this: As a mom, a parent, I’m going to be overprotective. I’m going to look over my shoulder, over their shoulder. We have four children. I’m going to be looking over all of them. (But as for those negative) words, it’s always that saying, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt.’”

*Saludify editorial team contributed to this report

Sebastien de la Cruz responds to racial attacks.

This article was first published in Saludify.

Hope Gillette is an award winning author and novelist. She has been active in the veterinary industry for over 10 years, and her experience extends from exotic animal care to equine sports massage.