Habanero Enema, For Those Who Are Literally Full Of It

El Guapo is proud to announce that this holiday season he has joined forces with the only Mexican colon cleanser on the market, Holy Holee Inc. As a result, he is the only way to get your hands on Holy Holee’s number one seller — The Habanero Enema©.

Doctors and other assorted nerds in lab coats claim that for many people, there are between 5-15 pounds of impacted fecal matter in the small and large intestines. In other words, many of the folks you encounter on a daily basis are literally full of crap. (The most observant among us has already suspected as much.)

With the political season in full swing, it is very difficult to find those stuffed with the most amount of crap, but we are willing to take on this mighty endeavor to identify the king (or queen) of the dung hill. For instance, if one were to look at say a Newt Gingrich, it would be safe to assume that he has a fair amount of excess feces stuffed into that body. Many have described him as a “sausage casing filled with excrement,” and they’d probably be right. It is time he and others suffering with this condition get some help.

So, in an effort to help with this epidemic, we are looking for those most in need of an habanero enema.

Why an habanero enema?

Habaneros are some of the hottest peppers on the planet, so the intense heat injected into someone’s colon and digestive tract is sure to thoroughly burn away all compacted fecal matter — and maybe even some of those unnecessary internal organs.

This should clear the mind of excrement and allow for it to stop spilling from the mouth every time it is opened. The current crop of GOP nominees has shown evidence of this tell-tale symptom and are at the top of our watch list.  There seems to be an intense competition as to which of them can spew the most of it.

Take a moment to nominate someone who you believe may most deserve an Habanero enema. Theirs will be howls of gratitude.

Your handsome and humble servant —

El Guapo