How Do I Make My Boyfriend Of 8 Years Propose?

Dear Martha:

I wanted to know what you think about my problem. I am 26 and have been in a relationship for eight years, things haven’t always been easy with my boyfriend, but I love him. I have talked several times with him about getting engaged and married, and he says he wants to, that one day that will happen, but he keeps delaying and now I’m desperate.

My family and friends ask him when we’re going to be engaged and when we’re going to get married and he stays quiet. The problem is that I keep waiting and every time we celebrate an anniversary I have the expectation that he’s going to give me an engagement ring.

What do I do? I have tried everything and nothing seems to work.

— Unengaged And In Love

Dear Unengaged And In Love:

The difficulty here is that he already knows what you want, you’ve talked about it, and still it gets postponed again and again. The answer is not outside of you, but inside, why don’t you ask yourself:

1. Am I ready to wait for him until he decides he’s ready?
2. Am I ready to be rejected?
3. Am I ready for him to dump me because of the pressure?
4. Am I capable of waiting for him indefinitely?

It’s pretty clear that he’s fearful of commitment and he has no intention of changing. What do you, as a woman, want for yourself? Because if you don’t answer these questions for yourself, this may turn into a dysfunctional relationship, seeing as how everything you want you could only get by pressuring him into it. Learn to listen to your heart.