The Top 6 Reasons You “Need” A Drink

We’ve all been there. You know, really you just want a drink, but for whatever reason (shame, guilt, vergüenza, pudor, etc.) you feel like you have to make up a logical argument about how it’s not a “want” but a “need.” It’s okay. We just thought we’d make this list for you for reference next time — please do let us know if we missed any!

1.) It’s Monday — Or Wednesday, Or Friday, Or…

Sometimes it’s just a day of the week where you feel the need to drink, it’s easy to justify it by saying, “Oh, it’s Monday, it’s going to be a long week.” Or, “Oh, it’s Wednesday, I’m halfway there.” Then there’s “Hey, it’s Friday, what else am I supposed to be doing?” You get the idea, I know you do.

2.) You’re Stressed Out.

Alcohol is a depressant, after all, so, logically, if you’re stressed out by your life, the most prudent thing to do is depress your nervous system rather than address your problems! It only makes sense!

 3.) So-And-So Is Giving You A Hard Time.

What’s their name? Your husband? Your wife? Your boss, co-worker, child? Whoever they are, the fact that they are making your life hard means you deserve a drink. Just putting up with them should be enough to give you a good life, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Drink away!

4.) It Was A Long Day.

Because you were at work all day, or at school, or you were at home, or you were sleeping — but still, the day was long. Sometimes long days make you thirsty…like today, for example.

5.) Your Sports Team Is Losing (Or Winning).

They may lose all the time, but that’s all the more reason to keep drinking, right? And if they win all the time, well, shoot, how can you not celebrate?!

6.) You’re An Alcoholic. 

It’s not your fault really, you come from a long line of alcoholics — it’s genetic — and you don’t want to die of alcohol withdrawal like Amy Winehouse, so it’s probably best to just keep drinking. For more information, see reasons 1 through 5.