Alcoholism: The Sleeping Dragon In The Living Room
In most families it is customary that if there is a serious problem within the family, or anyone has any emotional dysfunction, it must remain hidden from everyone else. The problem is then magnified, the “dirty laundry stays at home.” And then the denial and repression of family members’ ability to discuss problems means that there is no way to find a solution.
Denying, repressing or rationalizing and pretending nothing is wrong makes the dragon become even more threatening, and every day the person who has the problem becomes sicker, as do all members of the family who have to pretend all is well.
Having one or more family members with alcoholism makes the whole family become dysfunctional and codependent, affecting not only what’s happening indoors, but the activities and relationships that are outside the home as well.
For a long time societies have tried to pass off as acceptable the behavior of the alcoholic, saying he or she is a “social drinker,” which is a temporary state, and while living in that state is stressful, it will soon pass. Total negation is the worst mistake to make, like expecting the disease disappear on its own, or with a simple promise of change.
If you want to have a healthy family, you have to talk and address the problems head on, and above all, give the right name to the dysfunction and suffering. Alcoholism is degenerative, progressive and fatal. It always affects the whole family environment, with no respect to age or culture. The patient who suffers is at high risk for the consequences that result, and the family becomes codependent trying to help or hide the problem, thus participating in the dysfunctional state of the patient.
Prohibiting the discussion of what is happening magnifies the problem and it affects those involved even more. Even children suffer, for not realizing what is happening, isolating them from adults, creating a sense of abandonment. Then, as they begin to realize what is happening they are excluded, shutting off the chance to talk about it. Most of the time children also experience symptoms caused by stress and pressure of living with an alcoholic in the family. This is a serious problem and everyone in the family needs help to address this problem by talking openly about the consequences.
It is difficult to live with this dragon inside the house, but the hardest thing is to let it grow and allow it to ruin the lives of everyone in the family. Asking for help does not make you fragile and fearful people — on the contrary — it’s a sign of strength, and above all, of solid mental health.
Martha Sáenz is a life coach and hyponotherapist who lives in Los Angeles. If you have a question for Martha email her at marthalifecoach@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter at @marthalifecoach.
[Photo By Kevin]
