My Sister’s Death Is Tearing My Family Apart

Dear Martha,

A week ago my sister and her boyfriend got into a car accident and the two of them died. My family is destroyed, everyone is angry and blames themselves because apparently they had both been drinking before they left.

I do not know what to do with so much pain and tension in my house. And of course my family is very angry with the parents of my sister’s boyfriend for being with her, although the driver was my sister, and his parents think it was her fault.

How can I help my parents?

— Suffering Silently

Dear Suffering Silently,

I can’t imagine the pain your parents are going through. This is no time for blame or to take responsibility. What happened already happened and that was the plan that God had for them. We never know how or when it will be our time to leave, and although that’s painful, it’s a fact that it will happen.

Do not worry about their anger, even if you are also angry — that’s the first feeling you experience when you lose a loved one, later with time will come understanding, and acceptance.

Blame is a way of not accepting what has happened, but soon it will pass.

Anger, denial, blame, and then gradually acceptance will help you to reach peace with comfort and resignation. Do not worry about your parents, give yourself permission to live your own grief as a sister and get close to God, which is where I believe you find, with a little time, strength and acceptance.

Martha Sáenz is a life coach and hyponotherapist who lives in Los Angeles. If you have a question for Martha email her at marthalifecoach@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter at @marthalifecoach.

[Photo By Lara604]