These Are A Few Of Michele Bachmann’s Least Favorite Things
Michele Bachmann’s head literally explodes when asked about undocumented gay fetuses’ right to carry concealed weapons. She hates:
- Gays. (She hates them so much that she married one just to keep a closer eye on their sinister ways — that’s commitment!) Also, she wants voters to know that marriage is and will always be rigidly defined as a union between a woman and a very gay man.
- The undocumented.
- Welfare and government handouts. (That’s socialism she’ll have you know, and that’s unAmerican. The $251,973 in federal farm subsidies that she received between 1995 and 2006 doesn’t count, she’d like to clarify, because it didn’t go to the poor or minorities.)
- Gun control. Bachmann knows that guns don’t kill people — bullets piercing vital organs do.
- Abortion. Under any and all circumstances (She’s relatively certain that some of the world’s greatest people were once fetuses.)
Given these views, at a recent press conference she was asked how she felt about undocumented gay fetuses’ right to carry a concealed weapon. After sputtering for a while, her eyes rolled back into her head like a slot machine and she staggered around the stage muttering “Does not compute” until her head exploded on the group gathered before her.
Here is exclusive footage from the aforementioned news conference. We have yet to clarify why she was disguised as an Asian man, why a young Kurt Russell was in attendance, and who cleaned up the bits and pieces of gray matter.
In any event, El Guapo suspects Bachmann II , the cyborg-Bachmann that will be constructed from the left-over bits and pieces, will be superior to the original. Bachmann 2012.
Your handsome and humble servant —
El Guapo writes the blog The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.
[Video By StupidCrappyVideos; Photo By MicheleBachmann.com]
