Help! My Husband Is An Alcoholic & I’m Unhappy

Dear Martha:

I have lived the past 20 years with an alcoholic. I have stayed in the relationship because, first, I thought he would change. Later I did it for our children, and now I feel sorry for him because he’s frail and sick.

All of this has made me a woman who’s bitter, sad and without hope. I’m only 40 years old but feel like life has no meaning and that it’s all over for me. What can I do?

— 40 And Hopeless

Dear 40 And Hopeless:

What’s happened to you is that you’ve been hooked by the illness of alcoholism, too, it’s called co-dependency. It starts by justifying the sickness, then inventing reasons to stay. I’m sure that your husband lives in his own world, but you live only in his. As a result, you don’t have your own life because you’ve sacrificed everything for everyone else, forgetting about yourself.

I don’t know if your husband can be cured if he doesn’t attend AA meetings or seek psychotherapy, but it’s his problem. What you need to do is start to think of yourself and attend Al-Anon meetings for the families of alcoholics.

That could be the first step for you to begin to understand and accept that you are co-dependent and that you can’t do anything for your husband, but you can do a lot for yourself. Taking the first step towards your recover is the most loving thing you could do for yourself.

— Martha

Martha Sáenz is a life coach and hyponotherapist who lives in Los Angeles. If you have a question for Martha email her at marthalifecoach@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter at @marthalifecoach.