Se Me Pasó El Tren: Confessions Of An Unmarried Latino
I’m a reasonably attractive, smart and ambitious 31 year-old Latino currently pursuing a master’s degree. Oh, and I’m single. For my Mexican family, this is a concern, and as time goes on, it seems like the “concern” only grows.
Recently at a family gathering my father asked me, “¿Cuándo te vas a casar? Yo quiero ser abuelo otra vez, pero de ti!” In essence, he was telling me to hurry up and get married so I could give him more grandchildren. Although his tone of voice was comical, I could not help but feel the familial pressure to get married. Moreover, with my ripened age in eyes of an unwed Latino, it seems that the “concern” usually increases ten fold around family gatherings and holidays, but it’s always there in some form — Albeit,there was even a rumor in my family that I might be gay.
The truth is, I’ve had serious relationships — I’ve almost been married. But even to this day I’m incredibly picky, or, perhaps, I think I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I’m waiting for “The One” if “The One” exists. I’m kind of traditional, the way I define marriage is: Once you’re married, you’re married. You can’t make that mistake.
It could be a latent fear I have about getting hurt, or the nonchalant attitude many have towards marriage these days, but a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons. I mean, if my family hadn’t emigrated here, and I had grown up in Mexico, I would probably be married with kids already. But, since I live here and I’m still in school, I want to first be financially established so when I do meet the right person, I can have a stable life.
But it’s not just my family that reminds me of this “stigma.” When I was a teacher at a predominantly Latino high school, my students would ask me when I was going to get married. Again, the whole “could he be gay” stigma reemerged. In my opinion, It’s just what’s expected in our culture, where there’s a huge emphasis on family, it’s all part of our identity. To be a Latino means to crank out as many kids as possible, yet, I also see the other side of things.
Even though there’s the down side to that, as I get older, so do my potential partners, meaning the odds and chances that they may have been divorced or have children already increases, which introduces a whole new element to relationships. It’s scary, but I try to see it all as a blessing in disguise in that I get to fully know myself. Had I married at 25, I wouldn’t have been nearly as comfortable with my identity, since I was still trying to find or grow into it. Fast forward to now — and although I may not have all of life’s answers and probably never will, I do feel more comfortable knowing and recognizing that person I see in the mirror each morning.
In turn, I definitely may never know who or when I will marry ( if at all), but I do know that when and if the time comes, I will be marrying for the right reasons. Familial and cultural pressures aside, I’m content with my choice — because that’s what it’s been. and I wouldn’t go back to redo anything, because, in the end, I’ll catch that train eventually even if I am a little late.
Follow Francisco on Twitter @SeguroCepeda
