Tortillas Cause Liver Cancer, And Other Lies

Well, scientists have saved us again!

Put down that taco bub — unless you want liver cancer.  A study from the Southside of San Antonio found that people there had higher incidences of liver cancer and attributed it to a “microtoxin linked to liver cancer when moldy.”

So, just to rewrite history here, the Incas’, Mayas’ and Aztecs’ love of corn that allowed these civilizations to survive much longer than the United States have were actually wrong all along.  If they knew what was good for them, they would have avoided corn!

“A controversial study exploring if liver cancers on parts of the Southside are caused by corn tortilla consumption — a suspected cause of disease rates roughly twice the statewide rate — has been accepted for publication, a top health official said.”

But it gets BETTER:

“Researchers are trying to get a handle on the reason for higher-than-average liver cancers near the former Kelly Air Force Base – now an 1,800-acre industrial park named Port San Antonio — which residents contend are attributable to chemicals once used at the site.”

So, just to recap.  Mexicans, it’s not the chemicals from an AIR FORCE BASE near your house that’s giving you cancer (because there couldn’t possibly be any noxious chemicals at an AIR FORCE BASE!), rather, it’s the corn tortillas you’ve eaten your entire life.  Just giving you cancer.  Now.  Because scientists said so.

You know, the same scientists that told us in the 1990s that babies born along the Rio Grande Valley border in Texas without brains (anencephaly) were also the victims of corn.  To quote that study:

“Along the Texas–Mexico border, the prevalence of neural tube defects (NTDs) among Mexican-American women doubled during 1990–1991. The human outbreak began during the same crop year as epizootics attributed to exposure to fumonisin, a mycotoxin that often contaminates corn. Because Mexican Americans in Texas consume large quantities of corn, primarily in the form of tortillas, they may be exposed to high levels of fumonisins.”

Which makes sense, because along the border with Mexico where all those maquiladoras and superfund sites are, there are no possible chemicals that could cause poor people to experience birth defects.  How can you argue with science?

Just to recap, it’s not chemicals or irresponsible business practices that lead to birth defects, it’s corn people.  Stop eating corn you crazy Mexicans!  It’s not like it’s your way of life or anything!  Science!