My Boyfriend Acts Like He’s Still Single

Dear Martha:

I haven’t been sleeping well lately for reasons due to my work schedule and my relationship. I’m a 30-year-old female professional, and my boyfriend, who’s 29, also works.

The problem is that I travel a lot for work and while I’m gone my boyfriend acts like he’s still single. He parties with his friends, hangs out at strip clubs, and even though he says that nothing happens, all of this still has me worried. He often goes with female friends to movies and for drinks, and I don’t know if this is normal or not.

I’m always gone and traveling for work and if you think I’m being jealous for no reason, please tell me. When I try to call him out on his behavior, he gets mad and won’t speak to me. This is very difficult for me because I don’t have a lot free days to see him, and I feel that our time is wasted with stupid fights.

In the end, I always end up asking his forgiveness so that he’ll come back.

— The Bachelor’s Girlfriend

Dear Bachelor’s Girlfriend:

I don’t believe that your boyfriend has the same beliefs and values as you when it comes to being in a relationship, let alone the same expectations as you. You want to have a serious relationship and loving commitment, while he seems like a teenager who does what he wants.

I have a few questions for you: Why do you beg him to stay? He creates fights to distance himself, basically saying that he does not want to be with you. How does his behavior make you feel on a day-to-day basis? Do you really think you deserve to be treated this way? Do you think he’ll ever be able to give you the commitment that you need?

What do you need to regain your self-esteem? When you let him keep hurting you, you let him have the power in the relationship. Deciding not to let him continue to humiliate and hurt you anymore is your decision. You have the power to choose.

— Martha

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