How Can I Convince My Ex-Fiancé To Marry Me?

Dear Martha,

I have been with my boyfriend for four years; the relationship has been very unstable, we break up and get back together all the time. We have formalized our engagement and are planning to marry in May.

My surprise was that, a few days before Valentine’s Day, he told me he didn’t want to marry me. He ended the relationship and said he didn’t care about everything that we had together.

I’m desperate because I want to convince him to come back and reflect, but I haven’t told anybody about it. I just pretend like nothing happen, because I hope that we will get back together and still get married.

I’m depressed and sad and I don’t know how to convince him, any advice?

— Waiting To Marry

Dear Waiting To Marry,

I’m sorry to hear what is happening to you, I think you should listen very closely to what he is telling you: he no longer wants to get married. And even though it’s very hard for you to deal with, you have to do it.

This isn’t about trying to convince him to marry you, or begging him to stay, it’s about you needing to understand that he doesn’t want a lifelong commitment. Be honest and cancel everything.

With time, you will understand the reason that he wanted to leave. If in a marriage one person has doubts, it’s probable that soon both parties will be headed towards a divorce.

You need to recuperate your self esteem, reinforce your dignity and accept that not everything in life is the way you want it to be. Recuperate your energy and strength and stop begging someone who doesn’t want to be with you. The best thing is for you to learn to love yourself, and learn this painful lesson now, because you will be spending the rest of your life with yourself, if not with your ex-fiancé.

— Martha