The Case For Arizona’s White Appreciation Day

Arizona State Representative Cecil Ash proposed that Arizona create a White Appreciation Day when whites are no longer the majority in the state. Many are in awe that Ash only asked for one day; he has since clarified that this single day will be so spectacular that only one day will be necessary.

He wants to point out that while other groups need an entire month, whites are more efficient and just plain better. For those who partake in White Appreciation Day, some preliminary events could include the following:

• Dane Cook stand-up marathon.

• Large white flags that, in a really useful move, will double as festive clothing. That’s right: stylish and economical.

• To conserve energy and keep the party going into the wee hours of the morning, lower-case Ts will be set ablaze throughout the state. The Ts will represent the intersection of cultures that make up “white.”  The Ts will be placed on the lawns of non-whites as an invitation to join the festivities. It will, all in all, be a very inclusive celebration.

• Betty White, Jack White, Shaun White, Vanna White, and Jaleel White (of Steve Urkel fame) will be the featured entertainers.

• In honor of Cecil Ash, the Ash Hole Award will be given to that individual who best represents the morals and intellect of the award namesakes — Cecil Ash and Harold Hole.

Your handsome and humble servant —

El Guapo