Top 10 Signs Your Super Bowl Party Party Isn’t Going Well

10. It’s halftime and everyone’s still trying to decode the Roman numerals.

9. People are taking their bathroom breaks during the game so as not to miss the commercials.

8. After watching 16 hours of pre-game coverage, everyone is asleep by kickoff.

7. Everyone’s trying to explain to your Tío why only the runty guys get to kick the ball.

6. Your morbidly obese friend keeps shoving nachos in his mouth and shouting instructions to the athletes on TV, oblivious to the irony.

5. Repo man shows up and takes the flat screen, so you put the game on the radio and recreate the action with shadow puppets.

4. The drinking game you started — a shot for every time someone in the room complains about Madonna doing the halftime show — gets everyone drunk in the first two minutes of the game.

3. It’s turned into an intervention. Fortunately, you’re so stoned you barely notice.

2. Some guy who played high school football insists on explaining Tom Brady’s mechanics.

1. Beer’s warm, pizza’s cold, and your bookie is at the door with a crowbar.

Your handsome and humble servant —

El Guapo