Telling My Mexican Family: “Yes, I Want Kids, Just Not Now”

My grandma and aunts keep asking me when I’m going to start popping out some babies, now that I am living with my boyfriend. I’m 27 and my aunt insists that I will soon be too old and haggard to start a family. After all, I’m Mexican, and we often have babies young. I also grew up in the ‘hood, where teenage pregnancy was so prevalent that there was a daycare center in our high school. In addition, most of the women in my family had children in their late teens or early twenties.

I’m practically an old maid.

What my family doesn’t understand, however, is how much I don’t want children now. Not at all. I’d rather attend a dinner party hosted by a family of rats than have a child right now. And I’m not alone. For many highly-educated Latinas here in the U.S., the world is our taco, and we will not have babies cramping our style.

I’m currently indulging myself in things I couldn’t afford when I was younger. I occasionally like to purchase fancy beer cheese and other expensive gastronomic delights. A lot of my income is also spent on traveling, Before I settle down, I’d like to live in one more country and ride a camel or some other exotic creature. In sum, there is a lot I’m getting out of my system.

Before I even consider having children, I also feel I need to establish my career. After I get home from my mind-numbing corporate job, I usually just want to get home and write. I can’t even imagine having to care for a baby, too. My dream is to make a living as a writer or work in academia — Dear God, when will this Masters Degree pay off? I’m currently working on publishing a book. If that dreadful Eat, Pray, Love lady can do it, then so can I.

I also refuse to have children unless I can actually raise them myself. I hope to one day work from home or have a job with flexible hours. I don’t want to have to hire a Mexican nanny because I personally would like to be the Mexican taking care of my children. (Side note: this is so common that my Mexican sister-in-law is often confused for her own children’s nanny.) This economy is also so bleak and frightening right now. Before I have children, I’d like to make enough money to afford yuppie, organic food for them. I don’t want them growing up looking like little mutants thanks to all the hormones in our meat and dairy products.

There is a generation of young Latinas waiting to establish themselves in their careers and create more ideal circumstances before they take the gigantic step towards motherhood. For many of us, we are the first in our families to defy cultural expectations and traditions. Some of us experience a lot of criticism. I know that for some women, motherhood does not conflict with their career and life goals, which is great. But for me, it really does. Maybe I’m disappointing my family with my choices, but I try to make them understand that I’d rather be an older mother than an unfulfilled one.

[Photo By rachel_titiriga]

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