How To Respond To Anti-Latino Racists

[Editor’s Note: This is the first of periodic re-posts from the blog Pa’lante Latino. The following was authored by Christina Saenz & Albert Downing.]

Have you ever needed the best comeback for a nativist and Latino-hating bigot but simply could not come up with one? We developed a series of sarcastic and quick-witted remarks that you can utilize on people who make remarkably anti-Latino comments. This list has been developed over the years by our families, our friends, and on our own. We feel that it’s our right to share this repository of insults to other Latinos who can whip them out on the appropriate people at the right moment:

1. “Mexicans are taking all of Americans’ jobs.”

The Common-Sense Response: “Mexicans are lazy, too. They are so lazy they want to take your job.”

The Womanizer Response: “Yea, we are going after your women next!”

The Insulting Response: “Trust me. They don’t want your job as an a**hole.”

The Marxist Response: “White people are taking all of Mexicans’ money. It balances out.”

The UFW Response: “I bet you’re gonna knock us over for those lucrative fruit picking jobs.”

2. “We should stop all these Mexicans from having anchor babies.”

The Fierce Response: “That’s simple to fix. We could always only let in Latino gay men.”

The Islamaphobe Response: “They are really terror babies with their loaded diapers.”

The Eurochauvinist Response: “European anchor babies don’t count.”

3. “You only got this job (or went to school here) because of your race.”

The Put-Down Response: “At least they had a reason to let me in. I can’t figure out why they picked you.”

The “Stupid Racist” Response: “With your stupidity, being white had to be the reason that they let you in.”

The Historical Response: “In other news, Rosa Parks totally wouldn’t have been able to sit in the front of the bus if she were white.”

4. “You need to go back to the fields and pick strawberries.”

The KKK Response: “You need to go back to your bedroom and replace your missing white sheets.”

The Cheesy Response: “If I did that, I would be in a jam.”

The Yo’Momma Response: “I would need to go back to yo’ momma’s bed and get my tools back.”

5. “All you Hispanics need to go back home.”

The Illegal Response: “Sorry. I already paid my coyote for a one-way trip. You want to lend me the money back home? “

The Fobby Response: “If you give me a few hours, I need to dry my clothes from the swim.”

The Yo’ Sister Response: “My home is yo’ sister’s house.”

The Green Card Response: “If you marry me, I will become legal.”

6. “Wow. You don’t look Hispanic.”

The “Confuse-the-Gringo” Response: “That’s because my mom is from South Africa and my dad is from Asia and my sister is from Russia. (after looks of confusion) You must be really confused because I was born in Saudi Arabia. But I am a Hispanic, or wait, does it make me Latin instead, you know, from Italy?”

The Latino-Pride Response: “Well, that’s because I left my sombrero and sarape in the car and forgot to wear my tan in the can—like you did.”

7. “Why do you speak English so good?”

The Grammar-Police Response: “Why do YOU speak English so poorly?”

The Sarcastic Response: “I’m speaking English? Darn. I am trying to speak Swahili.”

8. “All you Hispanics are taking over everything.”

The Future-Boss Response: “If you can’t stop being racist now, I might not hire you and discriminate against you in the future.”

The Pro-Sex Response: “Well, excuse us for enjoying sex and breeding.”

9. “Wetbacks.”

The Bilingual Response: “Correction. It’s pronounced ‘mo-ja-dos.’”

The Border Control Response: “Man, we swam a river and you swam an ocean. Whose back is wetter?”

10. Police officer: “I need to see your papers.”

The Pro-Gay Marriage Response (with friend of the same gender in the car): “Yes, Mr. Arpaio, I became legal yesterday after I married my girlfriend here.”

The Boehner Response: “Sorry if my tan offended you!”

The Canadian Response: “I must have been stopped for looking like an illegal Canadian. Stupid maple syrup in the car.”

The Childish Response: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Bigots don’t like to be made to look stupid, especially by someone of the group that they don’t respect. When we take racist nativists seriously, we give them power. When we make fun of them, we remind the world of how truly powerless they are due to their ignorance and bigotry. Hopefully, these comebacks will equip you to bring a little more laughter to the world while simultaneously fighting bigotry.

[Photo By NewsTaco]

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