Dating Latinos Doesn’t Make Me Racist

On more than one occasion, during my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused by friends and acquaintances of being “racist” for trying to date Latinos. In all fairness, part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. Yet, there’s also I believe a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.

First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which I’ve heard other Latinas share, too, about trying to date Latinos include:  They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women and I’m sure the list could go on.

As I’ve shared these sentiments with friends and acquaintances, often the reaction I get is, “Why do you have to date only Latinos? You should date a white guy.” Well, as I mentioned, I have and what bothers me about the tone of the question is that it always tries to put me on the defensive. I have good reasons to date Latinos and here they are.

A big part of who I am as a cultural being is a pocha. I’ve dated men from Mexico and it’s just not the same as being pocho, there’s so much cultural connotation and experience wrapped up into being, as they say, ni de allá ni de acá, that it’s hard to share that with someone who’s never been exposed to it (or isn’t interested in being exposed to it).

Part of that is language. When I tell someone they are being chiflado, I want them to understand! If I have to explain to them repeatedly every single time I use a pocho word what it means, it defeats the purpose of using those words in the first place. What about food? I have a pretty Mexican repertoire when it comes to food, but also the way I decorate my home, the way I expect my family life to function, the way relationships function (my grandfather called my güelita “gordis,” something that would be super offensive in English) and lots more. I don’t think wanting to continue the way of life in which I was born and raised is legitimately racist, but I know that none of these explanations will suffice to convince some people of that. Ultimately, I’m totally fine with that.

Because, I also know many couples who come from different cultures that manage to make life work. So what if someone doesn’t understand the concept of “a la tiznada,” as long as we speak the language of respect and love, right?

Follow Sara Inés Calderón on Twitter @SaraChicaD

Subscribe today!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Must Read

She Was a Realtor. And a Gang Leader.

Victor Landa September 26, 2017

When Irene Rodriguez died last year at 72 of complications from Parkinson’s, Calvary Mortuary in East Los Angeles filled with mourners. A video screen showed photos of her beaming at […]

Waive the Jones Act for Puerto Rico to Help Rebuild its Infrastructure and Economy

Victor Landa

Everyone has seen the unprecedented devastation in Puerto Rico in the aftermath of Hurricanes Irma and Maria.  The entire island is without power and thousands of Americans may die.  Many […]

It’s Time to Take Down Statues of Conquistadors

Victor Landa October 3, 2017

In 2006, the city of El Paso financed the construction of a 36-foot statue of the infamous Spanish conquistador Don Juan de Oñate riding his horse into battle. For some […]

DIECIOCHO Podcast: Hispanic Heritage Month: Why We Should Stop Saying We’re a Nation of Immigrants

Victor Landa September 18, 2017

We’re not a nation of immigrants, we’re an immigrant nation, and there’s a big difference between the two. This 2017 edition of Hispanic Heritage Month is a good time to […]

Latino Climate Politics, or Seeing God’s wrath in the hurricanes

Victor Landa September 21, 2017

Hurricane Harvey left fear, uncertainty and ruin in its wake. The Category 4 storm left some people questioning what could come next, to which Mother Nature quickly responded with another hurricane: Irma. […]

Puerto Rico Should be a Priority For Immediate Assistance and Debt Forgiveness

Victor Landa October 2, 2017

A headline in the September 26th  El Nuevo Día de Puerto Rico Interactivo stated: “Congressional support for the island will be addressed in early October.” The caption adds: “It was a devastating […]

Trump Administration Targets and then Mocks Immigrant with Prosthetic Leg

Victor Landa November 15, 2017

A 20-year-old undocumented immigrant with prosthetic leg and Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals status has been detained by federal immigration agents and held without charges for over a month, treated inhumanely […]

The Trump Administration’s DACA Renewal Deadline Was Moved Forward & Dreamers Weren’t Notified

Victor Landa October 5, 2017

The news that the Trump administration was ending the DACA program didn’t come as big of a shock to advocates as did the rushed deadline to process renewals — they […]